Friday, May 12, 2017

I've finally purchased a domain!

After years of procrastination, I have finally bought my own domain. Okay, it's only a subscription, but still.

I haven't been using this space much although I've been writing privately. I would say that I've been experiencing transitions - be it in work, life, family and faith. It has been weird but I'm just appreciating the little things.

This post is rather impromptu so I haven't had the time to arrange my thoughts haha

Friday, March 04, 2016


Everything happens for reason, they say.
Everything will be alright, they say.
Don't worry be happy, they say.

I thought I've passed this hurdle 9 years ago. I thought the worst happened and only better things were coming. I thought I will never have to deal with the same problem again. I thought wrong.

Honestly, I've been trying to not dwell in the problems but failed miserably. I want to think that I'm calm and fine but I feel like a duck waddling in the water. I already feel drained just thinking of what happened 9 years ago and how it will repeat - soon enough.

I'm re-entering a season that left me bitter, dry & empty when I was 15 years old. I hate whatever is happening right now but it's times like these that makes me realize that I was never in control.

It's amazing how a song that I heard on my way to work could encourage me in so many ways. I'm reminded of how small I am and how big God is. How this battle wasn't even mine to fight, this battle is the Lord's.

"Trust" - Hillsong Young & Free 

When it doesn't go my way
I know that it's not the end
I'm trusting you have better plans
I haven't even dreamt of yet
I know that You are for me
When everything's against me
I put all my hope in You

Jesus I will trust You
I will trust you
I know you never fail
I will trust you
Jesus I will
Jesus I will

I do not know how the story ends
But I know that You finished it
I close my eyes and just let go
And fall into my only Hope
There's safety in the falling
When I surrender fully
I put all my hope in You

Now everything I know
Is God you're in control
In every little detail
You are close
I'll never be alone
Here in the unknown
The power of Your Presence
Fills my soul

Love, Peace & Trust

Tuesday, March 01, 2016


It's been way too long since I've updated this space. Got not much to share except the fact that God has been so so good.

I've reached my 6 months flag in my job and finally managed to get a long vacation to unwind and meet up with my favourite bro, Phanot.

I was supposed to be on vacation from the 5th to 15th of February ...but was constantly getting fevers at nightfall for 4 nights before my body decided to reveal Chicken Pox on the 11th of February! It totally messed up my plans and I couldn't take my scheduled flight back to Singapore as I was highly infectious and it wouldn't be morally right to put other people (children & pregnant ladies) in danger.
So thanks (or no thanks) to my chicken pox, I managed to get 2 weeks MC. Which also means that my vacation is extended for another TWO WEEKS! The best part was, I didn't have an awful experience as I was barely itching and the spots only stayed for less than a week (although I was still infectious).

Also managed to live with my grandmother, aunt and uncle for a little over a week during my quarantine. Though I was irritated most times, when else would I have time to spend with them?

I like to think that God knew I was getting really bored of the routine and mundane work lifestyle. I think if I didn't get this 3 weeks refresher, I'd be really close to throwing in the towel and finding something more fulfilling to do. Through this experience, I also realized how nice it was to feel secured with a job that takes care of you. Even after not showing up to work for so long, I still got my pay on time - in full! HAHAHA So I guess, sometimes some things happen for a reason. Eyes get opened & heart gets full.

I'm really grateful for February.

Love, Peace & BREAK!

Monday, December 07, 2015

what is a father?

I used to think that my life is totally normal and having no father wasn't a big deal. After 24 years of thinking so, I've finally succumbed to the truth - I really do wish I had a dad.

I mean, technically, I do have a father, else how do you think I got conceived. The only difference is, I wasn't born out of love and that 'father' just wasn't present from day 1. I thank God, always, for Mom who decided to pull me and my sister out of that situation and try to create a better life out of nothing.

Then came a man whom my Mom decided to marry and eventually became my stepdad. I did call him 'dad' and loved him for a while ..until he went bonkers and just lost all the respect and love I had for him. It was almost like - one man's decision resulted in a negative snowball effect.

My teenage years weren't the rosiest nor the most difficult, but isn't that what adolescence is all about? Except, I guess, maybe some of the struggles I experienced were actually something a teenager shouldn't go through.

Looking back, maybe a lot of things would end up different if my Mom had a husband to lean on and if I had a father to look up to and trust. 

I get a lot of people telling me that "oh, God is going to be your everlasting Father" and stuff like that. Yes, easy for them to say ..but when you need that figure and that presence, and no one's there. It's just so much easier to go "where's God now?".

I'm not going to conclude this post as it's still an open sore to me.

Love, Peace & (empty)

Friday, November 20, 2015

100 days

"When I look at my past, I see Your unfailing love."

I have reached the 100th day mark of working in my current job!

It wasn't easy getting here but I'm so happy that I did. The only reason why I'm 'celebrating' is because I'm never a committed person. I quit really quickly and I'm always whining.

I have my share of unpleasant experiences and nasty colleagues in this company but, so far, I've managed to just continue moving forward and running towards my goal.


I'd love to share about something that is totally irrelevant to the post above (okay I haven't started writing, maybe something would link).

I've been getting the same recurring thought and a verse that keeps popping up to me:
Galatians 1:10 (NIV)
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
I somehow feel 'guilty' for not being very evangelical, not prioritizing church on Sundays and having beer in my fridge. I don't know if this guilt is uncalled for or if it is justified.

I remember telling the people around me of how awesome an iPod and MacBook is until someone actually asked if Apple paid me for being so persistent in evangelizing all things Apple (fun fact: Apple calls their sales reps "evangelists"). I could just go on and on about how you should ditch whatever mp3 player you had and get an iPod instead.

The thing is, I was taught to do the same about Jesus ...but I just couldn't, or maybe "wouldn't".

My bestfriend is a Christian in official documents but she doesn't go to church or pray or stuff like that. And me? I've never exactly invited her to come with me for church.

Don't get me wrong, I really love Jesus, I go to church sometimes, I do my devotions, I post up "christiany stuff" on twitter/instagram, I listen to worship songs most times and all but ...I'm just not ...radical.

A part of me just want to stay "cool", that means respecting everyone's decision in what they believe in and not push doctrines/verses down their throats. I tend to put myself in their shoes, I mean, like if someone of another religion were to share with me their views, I'd probably just listen out of respect but I would not get sold. And another part of me don't really want to have religious views get in the way of my friendship.

So the verse above actually gets me thinking, am I doing something wrong?

(Ps okay, not relevant to the post above at all)

Love, Peace & 100 days!

Wednesday, August 19, 2015


It's been one week since the start of my employment and I have to add on how more and more awed I get with every passing day.

"If you think you don't deserve the bad things in your life, know that you don't deserve the good things either. #BeGrateful"

I am aware that I'm probably in the 98th percentile of complainers, and of all people, I should be the last person to remind others to be grateful.

I'm saying this because I have found the power in gratefulness. Once you're grateful, God would work in your life that would make you EVEN MORE grateful. It doesn't really make sense but that's how it works.

It is so easy to complain that the train is crowded, the train is slow, the train is hot ..but how often do you actually thank God that the train exists and you can actually board it? 


I know that I'm currently in a place where it's easy for me to be joyful ..but it wasn't always like this (I was suicidal in 2011). And just recently, due to the many negative happenings in end 2014 and early 2015, my emotions were unstable and I was just so angry. I cooped myself up at home and all I wanted to do was to sleep. I just didn't want to meet people. Heck, I even applied to work in the zoo because I thought at least the animals would not attack me emotionally. I was in that low place.

It took me a long time before I could snap out of all of that, because ..

The thing about being down is that the only place you can go is up.

It's really easy to tell people what to do and what to think. I think I've annoyed MANY people for whining and not acting on anything to make myself better. Ultimately, I guess, the best advice still comes from the Bible. In the Psalm of David, he said

Cast you cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. (Psalm 55:22)

And in the New Testament, Peter reminded us again to

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

Receiving advises when you're emotionally exhausted is actually quite funny. Because you want to feel better but it's just so exhausting to try to pull yourself back up. And then you have this "bank" of advises at the back of your head (the ones people give you, the ones from the Bible and the ones YOU GAVE OTHERS). It's almost like you KNOW how to feel better but you're just not strong enough. Then people say that you're lazy. After going through that rollercoaster, there's probably only 2 places you can go - one, decide to snap out of it and choose to be grateful and joyful; or two, fall even deeper and then do something harmful to your mental and physical health.


I took like 3 days to get this post of out my draft folder. I don't know who would read this but I'm aware that a few of my friends/acquaintance has fallen victim to depression. As much as I would want to help them, I know that I won't be able to help at all, but there is someone who is much greater than I who is more than able to fix it all. 

If you are one of those people who end up in the second category and you think you've exhausted all your energy and you want me to pray for you - you can drop me an email and I could pray with/for you. 

Love, Peace, Joy & Gratefulness

Thursday, August 06, 2015

work it

(Office wear got me weary. #ihateskirts)


After weeks (and months) of stressful job search & me being picky with potential employers (I know right, shouldn't it be the other way round) & throwing in the towel (giving up) & taking naps. I actually got called up. For 2 different offers in 2 different reputable organisations. During one of those naps.

It's quite amazing how I landed this job. You know how people tend to say that "God intervened"? Yeah, it felt like that ..and I assure you that it isn't as cliche as it sound.

4 months back, I actually went for an interview with a tech startup and they set my hopes really high but then they left me hanging. After that, my confidence level plummeted and I was just so disappointed that I kinda gave up searching for a couple of weeks.

When I did return to my job search, I applied for a job with a property developer and I was so excited to start working there because the office was really nice and I had a great conversation with the manager although I was just recovering from a flu and my throat was inflamed. By then, only family knew about this interview as I just didn't want to spread the news and then jinx myself.

They thought I was the most suitable candidate for the job and they will call me in "a few days", but I waited for a week and there was no news and when I emailed them, they told me to wait some more. Refusing to receive false hope (like the first interview), I applied for yet another job.

This time, for some reason, I sent in my resume even when I knew that it was an ad from a recruitment agency (I usually refuse to send my resume to 3rd parties). I got a call early next morning (as expected from a recruitment office haha) and then they told me WHERE I was applying for...

So a few weeks back, Angelica and I were eating Honey Butter Chip after church and I pointed to a particular building to Angelica,

Mich: Do you think we'll be able to have a building like that in 20 years?
Angelica: Amen.

Apparently I, unknowingly, applied for a job with a company that owned that particular building I pointed to Angelica.

I attended an interview with the company and I received good news the very next day. I was hired.

On the day I had to sign the employment contract, the property developer office actually called me to say that I was hired, too, but I just felt like "God intervened" and the other job was the one for me.

After experiencing all these feelings over the past 6 months, I was really humbled by how God works - in mysterious ways. It was such an eye opener for me and I just have no words. I also thank God for my friends who were praying and also getting excited with me.

Love, Peace & Back to work!

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