profile My name is Michtashia Micheng Bumbumpaw. Full-time couch potato. I love milk, dinosaurs and chilling out. I don't like blocked noses and spicy food. I speak English, Bahasa Indonesia and Mandarin plus a little Korean. I sing in the shower occasionally and I pick my wedgie in public. Drop me an email! michtashia@msn.com Pages Previous Page | Next Page affiliates 
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Thursday, February 23, 2023 @ February 23, 2023
It's been a hot minute I've been quite afraid to return to my blog to dust the pages of memories written by a hurting teenager. I guess you could say that she has grown up but hasn't outgrown the pain. A lot has changed in my life, yet a lot has remained the same. I still believe in Jesus, but I don't know if I love Him as much - I think the pain and disappointments I experienced have led me to this. It's odd because every single time something unexpected or something "bad" happens in my life, I always tell myself that God is giving me good stories and relatability to serve Him. But the more it happens, the more I find myself wondering if He's even on my side. Like why do I have to experience everything in hard mode? And what is serving even? I do thank God for all the good that happen in my life, though. But it's just tough when everything else is hard. 2022 was an utter joke and I'm still experiencing the aftershocks. Physically I was diagnosed Anaemic and mentally I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression and Anxiety Disorder. It's really not a fun combo because I'm constantly light headed and tired, and I don't know if I need an iron pill or xanax. My sister calls me a depressed clown. I've been working in a company that I've always wanted to be in for the past 3.7 years (yes, insane - it's a record). Being here is exciting and something that I'm proud of, yet it's also the cause of a lot of my anxiety and triggers. Maybe I'm still a kid who needs instant gratification. Maybe I'm really just sick in the head. I don't even know anymore. But at least they sponsor my meetings with my therapist and pay for most of my appointments with my psychiatrist. I'm turning 32 this year. But I'm acting like I'm 23. My brother says it's regression. Maybe it's just a bad day and I'm rambling as an upset individual. Mich Friday, May 12, 2017 @ May 12, 2017
I've finally purchased a domain! After years of procrastination, I have finally bought my own domain. Okay, it's only a subscription, but still. I haven't been using this space much although I've been writing privately. I would say that I've been experiencing transitions - be it in work, life, family and faith. It has been weird but I'm just appreciating the little things. This post is rather impromptu so I haven't had the time to arrange my thoughts haha Friday, March 04, 2016 @ March 04, 2016
trust
Everything happens for reason, they say.
Everything will be alright, they say.Don't worry be happy, they say. I thought I've passed this hurdle 9 years ago. I thought the worst happened and only better things were coming. I thought I will never have to deal with the same problem again. I thought wrong. Honestly, I've been trying to not dwell in the problems but failed miserably. I want to think that I'm calm and fine but I feel like a duck waddling in the water. I already feel drained just thinking of what happened 9 years ago and how it will repeat - soon enough. I'm re-entering a season that left me bitter, dry & empty when I was 15 years old. I hate whatever is happening right now but it's times like these that makes me realize that I was never in control. It's amazing how a song that I heard on my way to work could encourage me in so many ways. I'm reminded of how small I am and how big God is. How this battle wasn't even mine to fight, this battle is the Lord's. "Trust" - Hillsong Young & Free Love, Peace & Trust MICHTASHIA Tuesday, March 01, 2016 @ March 01, 2016
Wowzahhh  I've reached my 6 months flag in my job and finally managed to get a long vacation to unwind and meet up with my favourite bro, Phanot. I was supposed to be on vacation from the 5th to 15th of February ...but was constantly getting fevers at nightfall for 4 nights before my body decided to reveal Chicken Pox on the 11th of February! It totally messed up my plans and I couldn't take my scheduled flight back to Singapore as I was highly infectious and it wouldn't be morally right to put other people (children & pregnant ladies) in danger.  Also managed to live with my grandmother, aunt and uncle for a little over a week during my quarantine. Though I was irritated most times, when else would I have time to spend with them? I like to think that God knew I was getting really bored of the routine and mundane work lifestyle. I think if I didn't get this 3 weeks refresher, I'd be really close to throwing in the towel and finding something more fulfilling to do. Through this experience, I also realized how nice it was to feel secured with a job that takes care of you. Even after not showing up to work for so long, I still got my pay on time - in full! HAHAHA So I guess, sometimes some things happen for a reason. Eyes get opened & heart gets full.  I'm really grateful for February. Love, Peace & BREAK! MICHTASHIA Monday, December 07, 2015 @ December 07, 2015
what is a father? I used to think that my life is totally normal and having no father wasn't a big deal. After 24 years of thinking so, I've finally succumbed to the truth - I really do wish I had a dad.
I mean, technically, I do have a father, else how do you think I got conceived. The only difference is, I wasn't born out of love and that 'father' just wasn't present from day 1. I thank God, always, for Mom who decided to pull me and my sister out of that situation and try to create a better life out of nothing.
Then came a man whom my Mom decided to marry and eventually became my stepdad. I did call him 'dad' and loved him for a while ..until he went bonkers and just lost all the respect and love I had for him. It was almost like - one man's decision resulted in a negative snowball effect.
My teenage years weren't the rosiest nor the most difficult, but isn't that what adolescence is all about? Except, I guess, maybe some of the struggles I experienced were actually something a teenager shouldn't go through.
Looking back, maybe a lot of things would end up different if my Mom had a husband to lean on and if I had a father to look up to and trust.
I get a lot of people telling me that "oh, God is going to be your everlasting Father" and stuff like that. Yes, easy for them to say ..but when you need that figure and that presence, and no one's there. It's just so much easier to go "where's God now?".
I'm not going to conclude this post as it's still an open sore to me. Love, Peace & (empty) MICHTASHIA Friday, November 20, 2015 @ November 20, 2015
100 days "When I look at my past, I see Your unfailing love."
It wasn't easy getting here but I'm so happy that I did. The only reason why I'm 'celebrating' is because I'm never a committed person. I quit really quickly and I'm always whining.
I have my share of unpleasant experiences and nasty colleagues in this company but, so far, I've managed to just continue moving forward and running towards my goal.
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I'd love to share about something that is totally irrelevant to the post above (okay I haven't started writing, maybe something would link).
I've been getting the same recurring thought and a verse that keeps popping up to me:
Galatians 1:10 (NIV)I somehow feel 'guilty' for not being very evangelical, not prioritizing church on Sundays and having beer in my fridge. I don't know if this guilt is uncalled for or if it is justified. I remember telling the people around me of how awesome an iPod and MacBook is until someone actually asked if Apple paid me for being so persistent in evangelizing all things Apple (fun fact: Apple calls their sales reps "evangelists"). I could just go on and on about how you should ditch whatever mp3 player you had and get an iPod instead. The thing is, I was taught to do the same about Jesus ...but I just couldn't, or maybe "wouldn't". My bestfriend is a Christian in official documents but she doesn't go to church or pray or stuff like that. And me? I've never exactly invited her to come with me for church. Don't get me wrong, I really love Jesus, I go to church sometimes, I do my devotions, I post up "christiany stuff" on twitter/instagram, I listen to worship songs most times and all but ...I'm just not ...radical. A part of me just want to stay "cool", that means respecting everyone's decision in what they believe in and not push doctrines/verses down their throats. I tend to put myself in their shoes, I mean, like if someone of another religion were to share with me their views, I'd probably just listen out of respect but I would not get sold. And another part of me don't really want to have religious views get in the way of my friendship. So the verse above actually gets me thinking, am I doing something wrong? (Ps okay, not relevant to the post above at all) Love, Peace & 100 days! MICHTASHIA Wednesday, August 19, 2015 @ August 19, 2015
dprssn It's been one week since the start of my employment and I have to add on how more and more awed I get with every passing day. "If you think you don't deserve the bad things in your life, know that you don't deserve the good things either. #BeGrateful"
I am aware that I'm probably in the 98th percentile of complainers, and of all people, I should be the last person to remind others to be grateful.
I'm saying this because I have found the power in gratefulness. Once you're grateful, God would work in your life that would make you EVEN MORE grateful. It doesn't really make sense but that's how it works.
It is so easy to complain that the train is crowded, the train is slow, the train is hot ..but how often do you actually thank God that the train exists and you can actually board it?
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I know that I'm currently in a place where it's easy for me to be joyful ..but it wasn't always like this (I was suicidal in 2011). And just recently, due to the many negative happenings in end 2014 and early 2015, my emotions were unstable and I was just so angry. I cooped myself up at home and all I wanted to do was to sleep. I just didn't want to meet people. Heck, I even applied to work in the zoo because I thought at least the animals would not attack me emotionally. I was in that low place.
It took me a long time before I could snap out of all of that, because ..
The thing about being down is that the only place you can go is up.
It's really easy to tell people what to do and what to think. I think I've annoyed MANY people for whining and not acting on anything to make myself better. Ultimately, I guess, the best advice still comes from the Bible. In the Psalm of David, he said
Cast you cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. (Psalm 55:22)
And in the New Testament, Peter reminded us again to
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)
Receiving advises when you're emotionally exhausted is actually quite funny. Because you want to feel better but it's just so exhausting to try to pull yourself back up. And then you have this "bank" of advises at the back of your head (the ones people give you, the ones from the Bible and the ones YOU GAVE OTHERS). It's almost like you KNOW how to feel better but you're just not strong enough. Then people say that you're lazy. After going through that rollercoaster, there's probably only 2 places you can go - one, decide to snap out of it and choose to be grateful and joyful; or two, fall even deeper and then do something harmful to your mental and physical health.
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I took like 3 days to get this post of out my draft folder. I don't know who would read this but I'm aware that a few of my friends/acquaintance has fallen victim to depression. As much as I would want to help them, I know that I won't be able to help at all, but there is someone who is much greater than I who is more than able to fix it all.
If you are one of those people who end up in the second category and you think you've exhausted all your energy and you want me to pray for you - you can drop me an email and I could pray with/for you.
Love, Peace, Joy & Gratefulness
MICHTASHIA
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